Donut ask me to share these.

So its no secret that I have pretty crazy diet restrictions. Well as I am still a girl with cravings, sometimes I need to give into those cravings and treat myself. My sister Rachel and I have been doing what we call "fall baking days" for three years now. It is where we dedicate an entire afternoon to baking and we always make some sort of fun popcorn and another treat. Today seemed like the perfect day because it totally felt like Fall with all of the thunder showers and rain. This year we make candy corn popcorn, and sugar and cinnamon donuts.
The donuts were a win because the are Gluten free, egg free, and dairy free (except the butter) and those are all things that I have to stay away from. I have not had a donut in the longest time, and so these were just plain heaven.

I found the donut recipe HERE. I promise you will not be disappointed.

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Real Life

It has been a while since I have talked about my Auto immune disease Hashimotos. It is something that wants to control my life. But I am struggling to make sure that I am the one in control. It can affect my mood, my appetite, my energy, my happiness, everything. I have been with a holistic chiropractor, who has done a few tests to test my food allergies and my adrenal levels. I have 26+ food allergies. Including lettuce, bananas, avocado, eggs, corn, wheat and dairy. It makes it hard for me to want to go out with friends and be social, since we are such a foodie society. There are very few restaurants that I trust to eat at. Even home cooked meals, I am very picky about what exactly is in my food. I stick to my staples of food everyday. All meats, (except red meats and pork), all fish, all veggies, most fruits (except those I'm allergic to) and my sunflower seed butter. My diet is very basic. It includes a LOT of prep. I can't just grab something as I'm running out the door, because my options are so limited.
I have been asked to not look just at the bad that has come from Hashimotos. I have been asked to look only at the good things. So here they are:

- I have learned to cook.
- I know so much more about the body, and how to take care of it. Especially mine.
- I am trying to retrain my brain that I eat the way I do because I love and respect my body, and that I am not actually deprived of the good foods I crave (chocolate), because my body is intaking such nutrient dense foods that are healing for me.
- I am learning that I am not my Hashimotos. And that one second I can be crying for no reason, or be completely anxious. It is not that I am crazy, I just have hormonal issues.
- I have learned that people really struggle. But majority of people hide it and put on a face. I don't want to put on a face. It is something I really do struggle with. I struggle to be happy and to love my body. I just want to be a real person. I want to connect with people on a real level. No faking it.

I have been in an all time low during this struggling time for me. I know what it feels like. Feeling totally hopeless and that this could be the way that I feel forever. But through the help of a few specialists, I am on the right track to getting back to my happy self. Someone that I have missed for a while.

I pray for a peaceful mind and a rest from anxiety and sadness. I also pray to change my mind that I can love my body, even though it seems like it is fighting against me most of the time with stomach aches, or worries. And to know that I am healthy, and for me, skinny isn't the goal. My health is the goal. When I can know that, I will know I am on the path to joy and peace.

I have a new goal as well. That is being more real and vulnerable with people. It is something that I struggle with, but there you have it. I struggle with body image and finding happiness. I have real problems. But I am overcoming it. Because I deserve it. And I deserve to be happy again soon. It is hard for me to open up on here, but why endure struggle if I can't help someone else on their way who is struggling as well? Everybody has hard things in their life. But not everyone will admit it. I just couldn't keep it in any longer.

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Serenity

Feeling like this prayer could be more beautiful and true in all aspects of my life right now. I hope you all had a great weekend.

***That was a photo collage I did in Photoshop for an art project.

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The Paleo Approach

Recipe found HERE, I substituted chia for eggs, and cashew flour for almond flour :) 

It is a crazy thing that Hashimoto’s Hypothyroidism is. I didn’t realize just how damaging it is. I also didn’t realize just how much it runs my life. It determines my plans for the night, because heaven forbid I go out on a night that I have a stomach ache. It determines the kind of clothes I buy. No one wants to wear cute, tighter fitting clothes when your stomach is so bloated and it makes you look pregnant, I literally only wear yoga pants and comfy shirts that aren’t too tight. Anything else irritates my stomach. It affects my non- existent dating life because I can’t eat anything and I am that high maintenance girl that must ensure more than once what exactly is in the food that I am ordering. I often find myself apologizing to those around me saying “Sorry I have to be that girl”. It is to the point now where I don’t trust any restaurant. I don’t want to risk cross contamination and risk losing all progress I have made. Cuddling isn’t comfortable; I would rather not be touched when I feel sick. I can’t sleep at night. My mind races and sometimes even when I am lying in bed trying to relax, I get really light headed and feel like I am going to pass out. It is the weirdest thing. And the worst part of it all; I am a 20 year old girl who eats like a champ and runs 6-7 miles a week (training for a half marathon) and I don’t lose weight, or if I do, it fluctuates from day to night.

 I pay the big bucks for my food because I realize clothes wont save my life, but my diet will. I was staying away from the things that my doctor told me to stay away from because I have allergies to these foods: Dairy, Wheat, Soy, Eggs, Oats, Peanuts, and Almonds. I thought that it would be enough for me to just cut these items out of my diet. But I still don’t feel better.This Auto-Immune disease is bigger than me. I needed help because over the last week or so, I felt like this would be how I would live my life forever, even with the few major changes I have made. (I’ll post all of my symptoms later down the road, still trying to figure out all of my symptoms and record them because man oh man, there are a lot.) It was discouraging and depressing. I thought that as soon as I cut out those few allergies that I had, I would be cured within 2 weeks. Well that is far from what happened. 

I recently called my cousin who is very knowledgeable about the subject and talked to her about my symptoms, and problems facing my Hypothyroidism. She suggested that I read The Paleo Approach: Reverse Autoimmune Disease and Heal Your Body. I only got it in the mail yesterday, but I am so excited of the optimism I have felt since diving in and reading it. It definitely seems overwhelming because I will be on an even stricter Paleo diet called the The Paleo Approach. I took a look at the list of foods that she suggest a person with an auto immune disease cuts out to get on the road to recovery. A lot of the foods she suggest I cut out I was still eating on a daily basis. For instance, I was eating Buckwheat every morning for breakfast because it was quick and easy. I ran out of it all last week and didn’t buy it until last night. I had a nice bowl of Buckwheat for breakfast, but about 20 minutes after I ate it, I felt more bloated than I have in a while. That means no more buckwheat to me. The book has a list of foods to avoid, and I look at the back on the list of foods that could contain gluten and sure enough, Buckwheat was one of the foods that could be cross-contaminated with gluten. You better believe I cut that out of my diet this morning. 

I was wondering why I was working out so hard, and not eating anything I wasn’t supposed to, but still not losing weight like I had hoped. I now can see that I am still feeding my body things that it can’t digest. Beans, peppers, chia seeds, and nuts are a only a few examples of the things that I will be cutting out of my diet starting tomorrow. So I apologize body, I will be better to you from here on out.  I am going to read this book, and start on the Paleo Approach Diet. I am really hoping this is the answer to all of my prayers. 

I have been very fortunate to have supportive people around me during this challenging time in my life. I am thankful for people with more knowledge than me about my Auto-immune disease. They give me hope that I will be able to pull my life together and be happy with how I feel. I am not going to sugar coat these blog posts, so I apologize if you are looking for an uplift to your day. I will try and do that with my posts that aren’t about my Hashimoto’s J. Also, I am still learning everyday. As you can see, just last week I posted about eating Buckwheat. When just today by the way my body reacted to it (Bloating, sharp pains, feeling hungry even when I know I am full) I know that it is now on the list of things that are no no’s for my body. This blog is about my journey and my road to recovery. I am reading and learning about it and talking about it with other people with similar issues, so it is not perfect. Auto-immune diseases are much more complex than just a simple diet change. It is a whole lifestyle change. I.e. learning about ways to cope with stress, necessary things for well-being, taking time for one’s self and much much more. This is just my way of keeping track of what does and doesn’t work for my particular Auto-immune disease. Everyone is different, this is just my approach J I know all this talk about Diet isn’t fun for everyone, but I find that it is one of the things I talk about with most people. I can talk for hours about it. I love learning more about lifestyle and Paleo diet and everything to do with it. 

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Discouraged

I have been feeling discouraged with my results of Hashimotos lately. I blame it on my need to read about the disease (I HATE calling it that...) constantly.

When I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's, my doctor told me it might be beneficial to read the book Why Do I Still Have Thyroid Symptoms? When My Lab Tests Are Normal? He also told me to check out the website thyroidbook.com to get a better understanding of what it is that I have, why I have it, where it came from etc. From there I did more research, found blogs, instagram accounts, websites etc. of people who also have Hashimoto's. I looked up a list of celebrities who have it, or something like it... Oprah, Kim Cattrall (SATC), Jillian Michaels... and so forth. I wanted to fully understand it and know about it so when people asked, I would have answers. 

During this research I found that the results I wanted weren't happening as fast as some of the people I was reading about. Many of the stories I found were *Lady felt tired and other symptoms, went to doctor, found out she has Hashimoto's, went on the thyroid pill, felt better three days later.* blah blah. And here I am on the pill, (thyroid replacement 3X a day), on a ridiculously strict diet; No Wheat, dairy, Soy, Corn, Eggs, Peanuts, Almonds, Oats. I take 10 vitamins a day and I am getting so good at doing that, that I swallow them all in one shot. And yet, 4 weeks of this and I still feel about the same. Minus the fact that I have lost three pounds. Which I am grateful for because I have read horror stories about weight loss and Hypothyroidism. Again, another reason I should not compare my progress to anyone else's... This is my realization that I shouldn't worry about what other people are doing, I should just focus on my own progress in overcoming Hashimoto's Hypothyroidism and I will let my body work the kinks out while I am 100% dedicated to doing everything I can to help it on its way.
I just need to be thankful for the progress I have made. I know that my body is healing itself from the inside out. Even though I can't see it, I know that my body is thanking me. Two months ago I never thought I would find out what was wrong with me, so I am so incredibly grateful that I have that all figured out. I will work out the kinks along the way. I guess I just got too excited thinking I would heal in 3 days like people in the success stories I have read about, but my body has who knows how many years of damage from gluten, and other things that it is silly of my to think it would heal that fast. I will continue to learn about Hashimoto's, but not compare myself to other peoples progress.
If  this Auto immune disease is something you have never heard of... maybe check out thyroidbook.com to get more information :)

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